One of the things I learned about personal finances is that there are peaks and valleys. There are times when money seems to magically fall from the sky, and there are times when the extra money stops coming and things around us keep breaking. Marybeth and I are going through one of those valley periods right now. We keep getting hit with stuff like unexpected medical bills and home and car repairs. It’s discouraging to watch our emergency fund slowly dwindle down to nothing.
During these moments of discouragement, I have to keep reminding myself that “winning” with money takes two things - commitment and time. Marybeth and I have a long term plan and we have to stay committed to that plan. We can’t quit when things get hard. For example, we decided we won’t use credit cards and will pay cash for everything. That means we’ll have to find creative ways to save money and stay committed to rebuilding our emergency fund.
The other thing I’m reminding myself is that developing a solid financial foundation takes a lot of time. There is no quick fix. It took us over four years to pay off our debts, and it’s going to take us a significant amount of time to rebuild our emergency fund and save up for other things like cars for the kids and college tuition.
As discouraged as I am in this moment, I have to keep walking this out, one step at a time, day after day after day. Commitment and time. There is no other way.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A Lesson For Guys
Yesterday I posted about one of the biggest mistakes I made handling money. I didn't listen to or seek out the advice of my wife. It cost us financially. Here's a real life example.
Years ago, when Marybeth and I were so far in debt that we didn't have enough monthly income to pay our debts, Marybeth would try and offer me suggestions. I always argued with her. One of the things she would bring up was a desire to have some cash put away savings. For example, I'd get an extra $500 in commissions. She'd want to save some or all of it. I'd always reply that I thought it was stupid to put money in the bank when we had so much credit card debt.
"All the money needs to go on the card." We can start saving when we've paid our cards off."
The problem was that we weren't getting them paid off. And we certainly never closed them. We used them when we had "emergencies," which often were things we wanted really bad. Our card balances kept getting bigger and bigger. Marybeth finally got so frustrated with my deaf ear that she quit trying to offer her advice.
Then one Saturday about four years ago, She and I went to a Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover Live Event. (It's the live workshops that Dave does when he covers budgeting, the baby steps, paying off debts, etc.) During one of the workshops, he started talking about the importance of having an Emergency Fund, i.e., cash in the bank. I can't quote him exactly, but he said that the only way to get out of credit card debt is to quit using them! A couple has to start using cash for everything. And that means you have to be prepared when "Murphy strikes"... car repairs, home repairs, etc. You've got to have cash on hand to get these things fixed.
Having $1,000 cash in a savings account is Dave's very first step. Marybeth had been right all these years.
Back to the present. Murphy's been hammering the Whalen's lately. In the past month, we've had our washing machine, air conditioner, garbage disposal, and two toilets all need repairs. And yesterday, on the way home from taking the boys to school, Marybeth car's transmission died. The bad news - our Emergency fund is drained. The good news - because I learned to listen and respect the opinion of my wife, we've not had to go into debt to get any of it fixed.
And that is the lesson of this post.
Years ago, when Marybeth and I were so far in debt that we didn't have enough monthly income to pay our debts, Marybeth would try and offer me suggestions. I always argued with her. One of the things she would bring up was a desire to have some cash put away savings. For example, I'd get an extra $500 in commissions. She'd want to save some or all of it. I'd always reply that I thought it was stupid to put money in the bank when we had so much credit card debt.
"All the money needs to go on the card." We can start saving when we've paid our cards off."
The problem was that we weren't getting them paid off. And we certainly never closed them. We used them when we had "emergencies," which often were things we wanted really bad. Our card balances kept getting bigger and bigger. Marybeth finally got so frustrated with my deaf ear that she quit trying to offer her advice.
Then one Saturday about four years ago, She and I went to a Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover Live Event. (It's the live workshops that Dave does when he covers budgeting, the baby steps, paying off debts, etc.) During one of the workshops, he started talking about the importance of having an Emergency Fund, i.e., cash in the bank. I can't quote him exactly, but he said that the only way to get out of credit card debt is to quit using them! A couple has to start using cash for everything. And that means you have to be prepared when "Murphy strikes"... car repairs, home repairs, etc. You've got to have cash on hand to get these things fixed.
Having $1,000 cash in a savings account is Dave's very first step. Marybeth had been right all these years.
Back to the present. Murphy's been hammering the Whalen's lately. In the past month, we've had our washing machine, air conditioner, garbage disposal, and two toilets all need repairs. And yesterday, on the way home from taking the boys to school, Marybeth car's transmission died. The bad news - our Emergency fund is drained. The good news - because I learned to listen and respect the opinion of my wife, we've not had to go into debt to get any of it fixed.
And that is the lesson of this post.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A Post For Men
When Marybeth and I speak about money or when I meet individually with couples, one of the things I share is what I call my biggest mistake. For years after Marybeth and I got married, I stubbornly tried to handle all of our money issues myself. And when things got bad, I didn't try and contact anyone for help. I kept telling myself that I was smart enough to fix our problems on my own and was too prideful to reach out to others for help.
Things didn't start getting better until I recognized that I had issues with pride. I had to be honest with some older men in our church. These men were able to point me to scripture. I began to learn that God speaks clearly about His ways of handling money. They also told me about some good financial books and helped me get started reading them.
One man also specifically challenged me to be more open with Marybeth. He pointed out that I wasn't "playing fair" as far as our finances were concerned, and that I was missing out on a tremendous source of wisdom by ignoring the counsel of my wife.
His words were prophetic. As hard as it was for me to do, I had to learn to humble myself and ask my wife for help. I had to learn to listen, really listen, to her advice. Time taught me that even though some of her ideas were different then mine, they were better. I didn't have all the answers. I had to swallow my sinful pride and do things that she suggested.
That would be my advice to men reading this post. As smart as you are, you can always get smarter. Go check out some financial books at the library. Get on the web and read articles about finances. Go to Crown Ministries (www.crown.org) and read what the Bible has to say about money. Most of all, talk to your wife. Listen to what she has to say. Chances are, if you're struggling with debt, she has many fears that she needs (and deserves) to share. She'll also have wisdom and a fresh perspective that you'll be able to use to make positive changes.
I learned all this the hard way. You can't do this thing called "Personal Finance" on your own. The time to ask others for help is now. It'll be the wisest thing you've ever done.
Things didn't start getting better until I recognized that I had issues with pride. I had to be honest with some older men in our church. These men were able to point me to scripture. I began to learn that God speaks clearly about His ways of handling money. They also told me about some good financial books and helped me get started reading them.
One man also specifically challenged me to be more open with Marybeth. He pointed out that I wasn't "playing fair" as far as our finances were concerned, and that I was missing out on a tremendous source of wisdom by ignoring the counsel of my wife.
His words were prophetic. As hard as it was for me to do, I had to learn to humble myself and ask my wife for help. I had to learn to listen, really listen, to her advice. Time taught me that even though some of her ideas were different then mine, they were better. I didn't have all the answers. I had to swallow my sinful pride and do things that she suggested.
That would be my advice to men reading this post. As smart as you are, you can always get smarter. Go check out some financial books at the library. Get on the web and read articles about finances. Go to Crown Ministries (www.crown.org) and read what the Bible has to say about money. Most of all, talk to your wife. Listen to what she has to say. Chances are, if you're struggling with debt, she has many fears that she needs (and deserves) to share. She'll also have wisdom and a fresh perspective that you'll be able to use to make positive changes.
I learned all this the hard way. You can't do this thing called "Personal Finance" on your own. The time to ask others for help is now. It'll be the wisest thing you've ever done.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Hearts At Home: MN
For all of you who joined us this weekend at Hearts at Home, we thank you for sharing your stories and spending your time with us. We hope we helped you and invite you to use this blog as a forum for information, comments, and questions.
Here is the link to the information on some family fun activities you can do at home:
http://marybethandcurt.blogspot.com/2009/10/hearts-at-home-michigan.html
Please share what you do to make your home a fun place instead of going out and spending lots of money! We can always use new ideas to use at our house!
Here is the link to the information on some family fun activities you can do at home:
http://marybethandcurt.blogspot.com/2009/10/hearts-at-home-michigan.html
Please share what you do to make your home a fun place instead of going out and spending lots of money! We can always use new ideas to use at our house!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Leading Others Chick-fil-A Style
I had an interesting experience today. I was getting some lunch at a new Chick-fil-A near my office. It's only been open a few weeks, so there are managers from other Chick-fil-A locations helping train the new store's staff. Today there were managers lining the sidewalk welcoming people to the store, and as I walked in, more of the same. Chick-fil-A people were everywhere!
A few minutes after I sat down with my food, a middle aged man came up to me and asked, "Can I get you anything or refill your drinks?" I don't know why, but I instantly recognized him as Dan Cathy, President and Chief Operating Officer of Chick-fil-A. (Maybe it was his monogrammed Dan Cathy Chick-fil-A jacket.) I said a polite "no thanks" and then watched as the president of Chick-fil-A made his way around the tables smiling with the customers, taking drinks, and helping with trays. He wasn't standing back watching his employees doing their jobs. He was out front leading the way, demonstrating to his coworkers the values of the company.
"That," I thought to myself, "is why Chick-fil-A does so well. They're well lead."
In that brief moment, I witnessed the "it's not what we say, it's what we do" principle of leadership. Dan Cathy could hole himself up in his office and put out email after email about serving others. He could have conference call after conference call after conference call. He could level his finger at his VP's and demand that they make it happen. But nothing demonstrates sacrificial leadership like getting out in the marketplace, meeting with customers, and getting your hands dirty.
Effective leaders are easy to find. They get out from behind closed doors and engage with people. They're at the center of the battle, helping customers, refilling drinks, wiping down tables, and taking trays to the trash. They're leading the way, demonstrating to the troops what it takes to be the best.
Do you lead others? Do you want to rise above your peers? Or change the attitude of your kids? Then go get your hands dirty and fight the fight. Demonstrate what it takes to be a winner. What you do, they will do. Where you lead, they will follow.
A few minutes after I sat down with my food, a middle aged man came up to me and asked, "Can I get you anything or refill your drinks?" I don't know why, but I instantly recognized him as Dan Cathy, President and Chief Operating Officer of Chick-fil-A. (Maybe it was his monogrammed Dan Cathy Chick-fil-A jacket.) I said a polite "no thanks" and then watched as the president of Chick-fil-A made his way around the tables smiling with the customers, taking drinks, and helping with trays. He wasn't standing back watching his employees doing their jobs. He was out front leading the way, demonstrating to his coworkers the values of the company.
"That," I thought to myself, "is why Chick-fil-A does so well. They're well lead."
In that brief moment, I witnessed the "it's not what we say, it's what we do" principle of leadership. Dan Cathy could hole himself up in his office and put out email after email about serving others. He could have conference call after conference call after conference call. He could level his finger at his VP's and demand that they make it happen. But nothing demonstrates sacrificial leadership like getting out in the marketplace, meeting with customers, and getting your hands dirty.
Effective leaders are easy to find. They get out from behind closed doors and engage with people. They're at the center of the battle, helping customers, refilling drinks, wiping down tables, and taking trays to the trash. They're leading the way, demonstrating to the troops what it takes to be the best.
Do you lead others? Do you want to rise above your peers? Or change the attitude of your kids? Then go get your hands dirty and fight the fight. Demonstrate what it takes to be a winner. What you do, they will do. Where you lead, they will follow.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Hearts At Home: Michigan
We traveled this past weekend to speak at the Hearts at Home conference. We did two sessions-- one on Learning To Live Financially Free and one on Raising Financially Savvy Kids. I posted photos from our weekend over at my personal blog if you'd like to head over there and check it out: http://marybethwhalen.blogspot.com/2009/10/hearts-at-home-michigan.html
If you would like to bring Curt and I to share our story with your church or organization, just contact us. We can send you a sample cd and create an event that will work for your needs!
If you would like to bring Curt and I to share our story with your church or organization, just contact us. We can send you a sample cd and create an event that will work for your needs!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Getting Kids To Work at Home
During our Financially Savvy Kids talk at Hearts at Home this past weekend, we talked about assigning chores to our kids. At our house chores are part of living in our home. We do not pay for them. We do pay for extra jobs (washing cars, yard work, babysitting, etc.) to provide our kids with their own money, but we also believe in teaching kids that being part of a family involves contributing with no expectation of reward. Perhaps to some of you that sounds harsh but we feel like it builds their character. We don't want to produce children who go through life always expecting to be compensated. And we want them to have families of their own someday and be willing servants when they do. It is our hope that we are laying the groundwork for that in our home as we learn to serve each other. That's the idea at least. :)
So, that leads to the chore chart. Ours is just a basic 4 column chart that Curt made. He added a bunch of notes under the chart and it hangs on our fridge. I am going to copy his notes so you can get some ideas if you would like to do something like this.
The chart only applies to 3 of our children-- ages 9.5, 13, and 15. The oldest is now exempt because he goes to school and has a job. When he "graduated" from the chart, the 9yo took his place. He is still expected to help out if asked, but he is no longer on the rotation.
How the chart works:
The 3 kids are assigned to 3 zones-- the kitchen, the living area, and the bathrooms. They rotate through the zones every 10 days. Curt divided the month into 1st-10th, 11th-20th, and the 21st-31st. So, for the 1st-10th, the the 15yo has kitchen, the 13 yo has living areas, and the 9.5 yo has bathrooms. For the 11th-20th, the 15yo has living area, the 13 yo has bathrooms, and the 9.5 yo has kitchen. For the 21st-31st, the 15 yo has bathrooms, the 13 yo has kitchen, and the 9.5 yo has living areas. For us this works so much better than assigning individual jobs. I love the zone method because it is simple and simple is good.
What is involved with each job?
This is what is detailed in the notes under the chart. That way there is no excuse of "I didn't know you meant I had to do that." Some jobs are the same every day. Some require different work for different days. No job should take longer than 15-30 minutes.
Kitchen: Same jobs every day. Put dishes in dishwasher, mop floor, wipe down counters and table, unload dishwasher, assist with any food preparation mom needs help with.
Living Areas:
Monday: Vacuum den, living room, hallway
Tuesday: Vacuum stairs, upstairs hallway, bonus room
Wednesday: Dust den, dining room, living room, hallway
Thursday: Vacuum den, dining room, living room, hallway
Friday: Vacuum stairs
Saturday: Vacuum den, dr, lr, hall, upstairs hall, bonus
Bathrooms: (our bath is not included-- we do that)
Monday: Clean guest bath
Tuesday: Clean hall bath
Wednesday: Clean upstairs bath
Thursday: Clean guest bath
Friday: Clean upstairs bath
Saturday: Scrub upstairs tub and all bathroom floors
Our definition of "clean" means to wipe down sink, counters, mirrors, and toilets. We provide Clorox wipes, spray cleaners and Comet and teach them how to do this before we turn them loose.
Our younger kids might not be on the chore chart but they are included in the expectation to work! They have toy, stair, and shoe patrol, meaning they help keep the things that collect on the stairs and stray toys and shoes put away. They also help put everyone's folded laundry away. On weekends, they clean windows with glass cleaner and love doing it... go figure!
You might have noticed that laundry is not on the list anywhere. That's because I really do like to stay on top of it myself. Less seems to get lost when I do it plus I can hang things to dry and notice any stains, rips, etc. when I am the one handling the clothes. I do ask for their help with folding and putting away and my older two do their own. All children are responsible for bringing their own dirty laundry down to the laundry room.
There are two "PS's" at the bottom of the chore chart. One says: "If mom asks for help then you provide it. NO QUESTIONS." (I love that one.) And the next one says, "These chores are to be completed before 6pm. NO EXCEPTIONS." This little note helps procrastinators to stay on top of their jobs and not put them off.
I hope that our take on chores encourages and informs those of you who are trying to create your own chore chart. The thing is we took someone else's idea and tweaked it to work for our unique family situation. You can do the same with this. Make it work for your family-- the number and ages of your children and the specific jobs you need to have done around your house. Make the chore chart, and your kids, work for you!
So, that leads to the chore chart. Ours is just a basic 4 column chart that Curt made. He added a bunch of notes under the chart and it hangs on our fridge. I am going to copy his notes so you can get some ideas if you would like to do something like this.
The chart only applies to 3 of our children-- ages 9.5, 13, and 15. The oldest is now exempt because he goes to school and has a job. When he "graduated" from the chart, the 9yo took his place. He is still expected to help out if asked, but he is no longer on the rotation.
How the chart works:
The 3 kids are assigned to 3 zones-- the kitchen, the living area, and the bathrooms. They rotate through the zones every 10 days. Curt divided the month into 1st-10th, 11th-20th, and the 21st-31st. So, for the 1st-10th, the the 15yo has kitchen, the 13 yo has living areas, and the 9.5 yo has bathrooms. For the 11th-20th, the 15yo has living area, the 13 yo has bathrooms, and the 9.5 yo has kitchen. For the 21st-31st, the 15 yo has bathrooms, the 13 yo has kitchen, and the 9.5 yo has living areas. For us this works so much better than assigning individual jobs. I love the zone method because it is simple and simple is good.
What is involved with each job?
This is what is detailed in the notes under the chart. That way there is no excuse of "I didn't know you meant I had to do that." Some jobs are the same every day. Some require different work for different days. No job should take longer than 15-30 minutes.
Kitchen: Same jobs every day. Put dishes in dishwasher, mop floor, wipe down counters and table, unload dishwasher, assist with any food preparation mom needs help with.
Living Areas:
Monday: Vacuum den, living room, hallway
Tuesday: Vacuum stairs, upstairs hallway, bonus room
Wednesday: Dust den, dining room, living room, hallway
Thursday: Vacuum den, dining room, living room, hallway
Friday: Vacuum stairs
Saturday: Vacuum den, dr, lr, hall, upstairs hall, bonus
Bathrooms: (our bath is not included-- we do that)
Monday: Clean guest bath
Tuesday: Clean hall bath
Wednesday: Clean upstairs bath
Thursday: Clean guest bath
Friday: Clean upstairs bath
Saturday: Scrub upstairs tub and all bathroom floors
Our definition of "clean" means to wipe down sink, counters, mirrors, and toilets. We provide Clorox wipes, spray cleaners and Comet and teach them how to do this before we turn them loose.
Our younger kids might not be on the chore chart but they are included in the expectation to work! They have toy, stair, and shoe patrol, meaning they help keep the things that collect on the stairs and stray toys and shoes put away. They also help put everyone's folded laundry away. On weekends, they clean windows with glass cleaner and love doing it... go figure!
You might have noticed that laundry is not on the list anywhere. That's because I really do like to stay on top of it myself. Less seems to get lost when I do it plus I can hang things to dry and notice any stains, rips, etc. when I am the one handling the clothes. I do ask for their help with folding and putting away and my older two do their own. All children are responsible for bringing their own dirty laundry down to the laundry room.
There are two "PS's" at the bottom of the chore chart. One says: "If mom asks for help then you provide it. NO QUESTIONS." (I love that one.) And the next one says, "These chores are to be completed before 6pm. NO EXCEPTIONS." This little note helps procrastinators to stay on top of their jobs and not put them off.
I hope that our take on chores encourages and informs those of you who are trying to create your own chore chart. The thing is we took someone else's idea and tweaked it to work for our unique family situation. You can do the same with this. Make it work for your family-- the number and ages of your children and the specific jobs you need to have done around your house. Make the chore chart, and your kids, work for you!
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